I wrote this almost a decade ago. I didn’t post it anywhere. It’s not properly speaking a “prayer” since it addresses and idol once held up as God and not Godde, Godself. Perhaps the idol is the church or perhaps it is the version of God/de I was given by the church. Anyway the thing I am addressing here is no Godde of mine.
When I was a child, I thought like a child
and you were always right,
while my role was to follow,
to punish myself with secret insults, self-harm, microaggressions.
I punished myself
for seeing your flaws.
Like a child I was powerless
and accepted that the fault was always mine
ever since the sin of Eve
the first (bar Lilith) to get above herself.
When I was a child I would have
jumped off even more cliffs than were on offer
to prove my faithfulness,
to deserve your protection,
When I was a child
so before I knew your history
or how you have always treated