When love is gone… For Jesus but also Felikss.
Just me alone with my own thoughts
remembering every mistake I ever made,
every persistent flaw that dogs my life and relationships
Just me in the dark waiting for dragging seconds
that make up eternal minutes,
Trying to slow my breathing
wondering why I bother.
The night is dark and empty
and yet noises come to frighten me.
What would it feel like to be dead?
To be trapped under earth suffocating…
don’t be silly he is already dead.
His body was so wracked and so used up
he never even made it to 40
and it was so still and wax and tortured
I wanted not to recognise him
not to wonder what it meant
the expression on his face.
Under earth, he can’t get out and I am scared.
I will die too.
This is what being human is- losing and fearing and dying.
But the dark night still stretches ahead.